I have been thinking a lot lately about my relationships… past, present, & future ones. Wondering where I went wrong in ones that didn’t last, what i did right in ones that have lasted thus far, and what can I do to make new lasting relationships. I am not just talking about my marriages, or dating realtionships, but my friendships, my aqaintences, my co-workers, my families – everyone. I love the quote about people coming into your life for reasons… you know the one about moments & lifetimes & such. I wonder about the reasons for certain people being in my life & not being in my life any longer. Lessons learned & lessons taught I guess, and lessons yet to come. Yes, I am aware that I over analyze things, but if I don’t analyze it to death, then I am literally afraid it will kill me. (ok, I know I just went from being insightful to being crazy, but bear with me here…)
As I was stumbling from webiste to website about how to have a happy marriage I came across this interesting article. I’ll admit I didn’t read it thoroughly, but I stopped when I got to the questions and wondered what it might reveal if I were to answer them honestly. So here I go…
Do you feel free to be you in the relationship? I do feel free to be myself, that’s who he married, why should I change?
Are you scared of being judged and rejected/not loved? Of course I am. I am a very insecure person. In fact even today i asked my sister to not ignore me – how crazy is that, of all people she is the least likely to ignore me. It seems only natural to be insecure in my marriage because of how the last one ended. If I don’t make him as happy as I possibly can, then why would he stay?? We have had this conversation recently… I felt like I was trying to convince him to leave me because I “knew” I wasn’t making him happy…. obviously I haven’t gone anywhere though.
How do you treat your partner in tough times? Again I say, I “know” I don’t make him happy because I am not a nice person to him. When things get tough I usually take a large percentage of it out on him.
Are you courteous enough? No Do you show respect to your partner? above all else (besides love) I do show him respect. He is a soldier & a damn good one! He protects our country and our family & provides for us!
Are you considerate and understanding? I try very hard to be Considerate & understand of him & his feelings, but I have noticed that I am often more considerate of others
How do you deal with anger and frustrations? I tend to keep things bottled up until they blow. I can’t really pinpoint if there is a specific person that generally gets the brunt of my frustrations. I kow that I express my frustrations with other people to my DH, but I see that as a give and take, he knoiws that he can vent to me about people he’s frustrated with also.
How does your negative mood impact the way you treat your partner? I witnessed firsthand the other day that my negativity creates a lot of stress for him. I never realized it before. As far as how it impcts the way i treat him… I would imagine that I treat him poorly when I am constantly being negative.
Is ‘Thank You’, ‘Sorry’ and ‘Please’ a part of your regular vocab? I consider it plain good manners to say “Please”and “Thank you”. I have raised my children to always say those things and I hope I have taught them by example.
What does “Two people become one” mean to you? I have never liked that phrase. I took it litterally in my first marraige and lost myself, now I believe that two people can join thier lives together without “becoming one” person. We should hold on to our individuality.
How has your life changed after marriage? My life has changed in countless ways. Some better, some worse depending on how you look at it. It has become easier, and more complicated at the same time. Richer and poorer! It has brought me closer to some & drawn me further away from others.
How have you changed after marriage? Myself, personally???? hmmmmm….. I am sure I have changed in a number of ways, I just can’t think of any right now….
Do you still have your old friends with you? There are several friends that rejoiced with me when i got married and they are still my dearest friends today. Those people that mocked me & told me I’d regret it & tried to cast doubt in my mind are no longer part of my life.
Do you pursue your hobbies and interests which do not overlap with your partner’s? my Dh and I have several individual hobbies and interests
Do you strive to spend all the time together with your partner? My DH and I definitely differ on this… I like my alone time, and my special time with my children. I do not feel like I have to spend every available moment with him to prove my love and commitment.
What are you postponing or avoiding because they do not include your partner? I am postponing going back to Alaska until he can come with me.
Do you share your life, your dreams and desires with your partner? I try, but I do not share everything because I don’t believe that it will be well received or even understood or supported.
Do you allow your partner to be a part of your life? I try, but i can see now that there are still parts of my life I do not let him into.
These questions were real eye openers for me. It took me several days to finish this post because I had a hard time being honest with myself about how I was treating my DH (dear husband). I think his answers would be eye opening too.
